A Few Holiday Photo's

ready to chop down a tree, he's serious!

dog slobber yum!

Nothing cuter than my kiddo in an over sized Christmas hat =)  These are kind of out of order but we went to the X-Mas tree farm last week and cut down our tree. This weekend we decorated it and took a trip to story book land.  Kid of cool, lots of children's stories displayed out in little mock ups. 

With December comes change

I’ve seen a few other blogs where people put goals for the month and I thought it was a good idea. So yes here I am being a follower…sheesh Liz…you should be original right?  Well I find the more I say I will do things and the more people I tell the better chance I have of doing them, and I could use some accountability for December because this will be a tough month unless I keep it together.  Why a tough month you say, it’s the holidays it should be fun and happy right?  Well I’ve barely thought about Christmas because of the changes ahead. You see my hubby got laid off just about the time I came back to work after maternity leave. I think our munchkin only spent 20 hours total in day care.  Well now Kris has a new job…yey! But since I’m back full time too, this means our son will be in daycare full time after spending the first 6 ½ months happily at home with either mom or dad, so a big adjustment for all.  I’m grateful that we are so blessed as to have our wonderful friends be providing his care while we work, that takes an enormous load off my shoulders because I know he will be loved and cared for and treated as their own.  I can’t help but worry though of how he’ll handle the transition and I even worry how nuts he’ll drive them with his nap skipping and fussyness that is usually a result of a new routine.  The other factor that will make things hard is that neither of us will be home to keep up the chores. I guess you could say we won’t be there to make a mess…but trust me I make bigger messes the less time I have because I’m rushing around like a ninny.  Then there are the poor pets…poor furry kids who already took a back seat to Alexander and now they are going to get even less attention. It doesn’t help its winter so taking walks in the cold dark rarely happens… so any way I see recipe for disaster.

So any way here are my goals for the month to see if I can make this new busy life possible:

Get up earlier.  It’s the only way I’ll get myself together in the morning and have time for munchkin and dogs. I’m thinking 5:30-6:00 at the very latest.  This means I need to go to bed earlier…ug.  So probably 9:30 would be ideal, in by 10:00 at the latest.

I need need need to meal plan.  Plan at least a week in advance what dinners we’ll have.  To make things easier I should make up things for lunches and dinners. Such as washing lettuce for the week so we can have side salads.  I could start packing up baggies for the week with crackers, fruit, etc for lunches although I usually use the same bags over and over or tupperwear so I’m not wasteful, but I guess if I just used the same batch over and over again it might be ok. 

Then I should at least get the dishwasher loaded and unloaded daily so we don’t get a massive pile up. I will have to recruit Kris to help with this.

I could say I should sweep during the week and clean the bathroom, but I hate to load myself down so much that I’m miserable because all I do is work and chores…ah finding balance…always a challenge. 

I need to switch bill paying night too, probably to the weekend; it’s too much of a pain during the week. Sunday might be a good day for this. Then I can enter the receipts that we spend during the weekend.  I should get in the habit of opening our mail daily too so it doesn’t make a huge stack to go through. 

I need to work in exercise.  On sunny or at least dry days I should walk on my lunch break.  I’m sure I can squeeze in 20-30 mins of a pilates video or time on the stair master in the works 3 days a week on the rainy days, just something so I’m not totally sedentary.

Ok my goals are already feeling daunting and a lot like work. So I will set aside a little time to surf the web or make my scrapbook recipe book that I’ve said I’d do forever now!!! 

Some how we will make this work, I just need to keep my butt of the couch and stop watching so much TV.  It’s going to busy and crazy, but we’ll make it work

Other goals include

Writing up a resume….would be helpful since I don’t want to work full where I’m at forever.

Try to go shampooless… I’ve never found the perfect shampoo and I hate having to shower all the time in the winter when I don’t do anything to get dirty, so if I could get my hair balanced out and save $$ it’d be great.

I’m growing my hair out, so no visits to the salon. I like a little pampering and I like my stylist so it’s hard to stay away but I want long hair again.

Find a night time cloth diaper solution for Xander. I’m tired of using disposables at night, feel like I’m cheating.

Phew! I’m exhausted just writing this out… I may be a grumpy monster by the end of the month. But hey maybe I can learn to be more efficient while I’m at it!

Thanks!

So ya total fail on the thankful posts. I will just have to do my best to write a few things here.  Working full time with a 6 month old makes it hard to get the extra time I need to write.  However at work I have nothing to do all day…yes quite infuriating when I have so much to do at home, but it pays the bills for now, its amazing what we can put up with when we need the money.  Any way we aren’t supposed to use blogs at work, but I figure I can write my blog in a blank work email, then copy and paste into gmail and save it as a draft that I can put into a blog later.  We are only supposed to use personal email on breaks so that is why I don’t just write it there first because I don’t want to leave it open that long…well there, now my secrets are out if my bosses ever want to find my blog…I guess I’m busted..haha.

Ok back to things I’m thankful for.  I’m thankful that I have food in my freezer and more than enough to eat every day, so many people go with out.  I’m thankful that I only have 2 more days of work left this week. I’m thankful that last week was vacation and that I went to California to see my family and friends.  I’m thankful to have a family that loves me enough to fly us out there to visit. I’m thankful for my wonderful neighbors/ friends that watched the dogs and kitties so that we could go.  I’m thankful for our wonderful friends (Sue & Sharon) that are going to be Alexander’s day care when Kris goes back to work. It’ll be so nice to know he’ll be loved and get all the attention he needs, instead of sharing on provider with 10 kids.  I’m thankful that I can at least work on my blog while I’m bored at work. I’m thankful that while I don’t like my job, it’s not super stressful with bosses yelling at me or anything like that.  I’m thankful that I discovered the coffee place next to work makes a super yummy vanilla chai latte. I could mention that I’m thankful for things like fresh air, pretty scenery, good music, tasty food because I am! 

Ok so I wrote this a while back and never posted it, so I tried to edit it and add a few things, if this reads funny sorry!

Cheers to all, I’m thankful for you!

more thanks

Ok it's the 4th, so now I owe 2 more thanks... I did realize this would be really hard to do daily. Maybe I should do a weekly one...haha.

I'm super thankful it is Friday. I look forward to the weekends so much more now that I have a baby to come home to.

I'm thankful for my wonderful husband that puts up with my craziness, mood swings, impulsiveness, tendencies to panic...he is my balance, the calm to my insanity.   He is a wonderful father and great friend!

Thankful

So a lot of people do Facebook posts for the month of November with a daily note of what they are thankful for.  I'm not really into that much info on FB, not sure why just not.  I do think its a good idea to be grateful though, so let me attempt to be thankful on my blog...so much better than Facebook right? Ok maybe I'm just sleep deprived...
Here it goes, its' the 2nd already so I owe you two.

1. I am super thankful for my friends that put up with me emailing/texting all day from work because I'm bored beyond belief.  You always manage to write back and cheer me up, you rock!!
2. Ok the obvious...I'm thankful for my wonderful little boy who has brought a whole new level of happiness and love to me.

cool gifts

My friend Vanessa made some really cool baby gifts. Some blocks and some hats for Xander, some toys for the kitties, and some book covers and eye pillows for mom. I love home made gifts. We have 3 quilts and some home made burp rags that we were given too, these are my favorite baby gifts because of their uniqueness and the fact that some one spent the time to make them for Xander.  Thanks!!!

horrible blogger

I'm a horrible blogger. I love to read other peoples blogs. I feel inspired to cook, decorate, love bigger and better, become more green, craft, no-poo, make my own cosmetics and of course to write my own blog, yet I never seem to do any of these things.  I mostly fly under the excuse of working full time and being a mommy, but really honestly I think I could do more of these things if I managed my time better...but darn it facebook and the TV are such time sucks.
So lets see what's going on...Xander my wonderful boy is 5 1/2 months old now.  He's growing like a weed. He's had his first ear infection, an eye infection, and I think he may now have a cold.  He can roll belly to back but is reluctant to go the other way. We are trying to start solid foods but he really isn't that interested.  Out of the foods we've tried Avocado would be his "favorite".  He likes his exersaucer, swinging instead of bouncing in his Johnny jump up, he's drooling like a st. bernard, and likes to put his mouth on your cheek and hum.
I'm still working full time and not really enjoying it. My job is very slow and boring most days, it drags on the time I'm away from home and I feel its dulling my ability to work when I have it to do.  Things may be changing in the next few months I sure hope that I won't have to do this grind for long.
My parents visited last weekend, it was nice to see them interact with Xander. Next month we'll be headed to San Diego for Thanksgiving and a week long visit.

Trying to find the positive...

The Struggle to Stay Positive.

I want to be happy, I have so much in my life to be thankful for, I am truly blessed, but I’m finding it hard the past couple weeks to keep my spirit up.  My husband was laid off from his job as an aircraft mechanic in Salem.  So now he is home with out work and I made the tough decision to return to work full time to make sure we can make ends meet with his unemployment.  I must now leave my beautiful 4 ½ month old son for 10hours a day to come to work at a job that is not the most fulfilling or rewarding.  It literally causes me physical pain to walk away from that beautiful smiling face in the morning. To leave the warm comforts of our beautiful home we have created with love, and enter a cold world of rushing cars, cold florescent lights, impersonal computer screens, deadlines and ringing phones.  I can’t help but wonder what the other drivers are feeling this morning.  Did they leave behind their treasures of sweet little faces, maybe a furry friend or warm kisses behind to enter the day too? Did they want to? Maybe they find passion out in this world of work that I have not, or maybe like me they hurt too- with a longing to crawl on to the couch with blankets, footie pj’s and slobbery kisses. How can something so “normal” as going to work, feel like life’s biggest challenge, every morning?

I must remember that I do this for my family, so that we may eat healthy foods and continue to snuggle on the warm comfy couch.   So that we can keep a phone and internet access to stay in contact with our families and friends far away I will go to work.  I will remember that as I struggle with the bone crushing tiredness of interrupted sleep, that I was the lucky one that got to steal those quiet minutes in the early morning hours holding my sons hand and getting to stroke his fuzzy little head. Getting up early and going to work, means I get the first smile of the day-how lucky!  As I grumble about using the “pump” at work, I will remind myself that God blessed me with the ability to provide my son with the food he needs to grow big and strong.  I will ask for God’s patience as I struggle to relate to people in my office who have different values than mine.  Maybe the customer who is unhappy had to leave his/her beautiful children behind today too. 

I am still so lucky in this world. My son gets to be home with his loving father each day, he doesn’t have to go to day care with some one he doesn’t know.  I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband who even though he doesn’t know much about cooking lets me call him and walk him through getting dinner on the table.  I’m lucky that I have 4 legged kiddos too, that love me so much that it drives me nuts! I do wish I had more patience with them, they don’t know better and I have so much to learn from their love for life, each day is a new and exciting adventure to them.  I could learn a lot about enjoying life from my cat, who thinks the best thing is to sit together and purr.

I feel lucky to have my faith. To know that God must have a plan for our family and that if we trust him and follow his path, we will feel the rewards.  His plans aren’t always what I think they should be, but I know that they are far greater than anything I could have come up with.  My son’s life is a testament to that.  After 5 years of thinking we may never have children God gave us Alexander. The best blessing ever. 

So for now I will try to remember my blessings when I want to give up. I know it is ok to be sad, but I must not fall into resentment.  I will look at this as a temporary situation and a blessing that I never thought of, a chance for a father and son to bond. A chance for me to learn to let go over things such as house cleaning and child rearing. At the end of the day it won’t matter if the floor didn’t get swept, or if my son didn’t take his naps on a set schedule. What will stay with me and I will want to know 5 years from now is that I loved my family with all my heart. That I did my best to enjoy every day, that time was not wasted on pointless anger or worrying about things I could not change.  As some one said the other day, there are always flowers from the rain, spring always comes after winter. So if this time of life is my rainy winter I will look toward my spring. A time when life calms down again and I will spend more time at home and less in this cold world of racing cars and computer screens.

A little blue

I've been feeling a little blue the past week or so.  Late PPD?  who knows, I think it mostly has to due with being back at work.  There is so much guilt involved with leaving my kiddo in daycare while I work. I got lucky the first two weeks, he got to stay home with his daddy who was temporarily laid off. Last week was his first time in actual "day care".  My little man decided to protest the situation by refusing to eat. He went from 6:45 am to 2:00 pm before he'd eat.  He did about the same thing the next day too.  Ug made me feel so bad.  Then he's been fussier lately so the wheels start running in my head of what could be wrong...new mom worries such as he must have baby reflux to early teething to my screwy schedule is ruining him....ah!  Any way all of this added to a serious lack of sleep has me feeling pretty down. I "wrote a post" at work the other day in my email since I'm not allowed to blog at work. It was such a downer I decided not to post it.  Being a mom is definitely as hard as everyone said it would be and so much more. Not that I'm complaining I'm so lucky to have my beautiful son. I waited 5 years for this little guy, I think it's trying to find my new path as a mom...how to meld the "old Liz" with the new "mom Liz".
So to end on a good note here are some positives....my tomatoes are ripening, I finally successfully grew a red bell pepper, the news just said chocolate helps prevent heart disease....I should be in the clear!!  Xander likes his baby bjorn facing outward....this is a valuable discovery.  It is a beautiful day today sunny but not hot, and Kris has work again...hurray!!!

The Yard

So here are a few pictures of the yard, please ignore the fact the lawn hasn't been mowed in weeks. Last week it was pretty hot and this week it rained so my lawn mower (Kris) hasn't gotten to it yet.  The horrible wet and cold spring & summer has stunted my garden. I had to start cucumbers 3 times, so they are so tiny, it'll be September before I get any fruit off the vine.  I'm starting pumpkins now, maybe they'll be Christmas pumpkins? I couldn't find any pumpkin starts that were the smaller quicker version...oh well.  My peas got buried in my arugula so they look pretty weak this year. I guess I should be lucky I have anything based on the fact Alexander was born right at the beginning of planting time.  Oh and lets not forget that my lettuce, which always does well was eaten by my blind dog!  I think his nose works too well now. At least the tomato bushes are looking good, although only a few fruits still.  I'm still trying to decide how to protect those from Vinny...

We got a rack for my cloth diapers. I love looking at it, its like watching money, no cost of disposables, I don't have to pay for the dryer to run...I just love it!  Not to mention the fresh air and sun make them  fresh and clean, I feel much better putting those on my baby's bum than chemically treated disposable diapers. I just love doing cloth diapers, I can't even totally explain why. Maybe its the first green thing I'm really able to do whole heatedly.

Oh and a picture of my flowers on the front porch. I won't show you the pots with flower skeletons because I always forget they don't get the rain even though they are outside, so then I forget to water them...sigh!

Bath Time

Bath time is fun for the little man, he's big enough to sit up and splash his feet in the water!

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Wasted Time

My 12 week maternity leave is more than 1/2 over. I already feel the anxiety slipping back into my life. I really didn't miss it, I had begun to enjoy following Alexander's schedule.  It might help if my work would finalize my part time request for the next 12 weeks, I just can't see jumping back in full time. Especially since my job is relatively slow paced and yes boring.  I think my heart will break sitting at my desk for 8 hours knowing I could be at home with Alexander.  Dang I hate money and bills, if it weren't for them I could stay home...minor details right?
My other frustration is that I haven't done much of what I had wanted to do on my maternity leave. While yes many people tell me I had a baby and caring for him and sleeping is all I need to do. For a large part they are right, but there have also been more than necessary hours wasted watching reality shows on Netflix...seriously I got sucked into the whole first season of Teen Mom. Maybe I just wanted to prove I was doing better than them? Say Yes to the Dress is also in my que...yes women spending ridiculous amounts of money on wedding dresses some how has caught my attention. I do tend to try to do too much, and be a perfectionist, but unfortunately my other side is a lazy tv-aholic.  I wanted to explore recipes, weed my yard, take walks, maybe train my dogs instead of holler at them all the time. I've had time to read books, go to farmers markets...but instead I have created a permanent hiney print in my couch as the weeks have quickly slipped by. 
In my defense the first two weeks were a blurry disaster of sleeplessness and hormonal crash.  I've managed to keep the dishes washed and the house gets cleaned once a week, and tidied daily.  I've fallen madly in love with this little boy and seem to keep him pretty happy, and this week I started working out again, I've lost all but about 5 pounds I gained while pregnant. Of course there is about another 10 lurking around from before I got pregnant and some serious firming up that needs to happen...but its a start!
I guess as usual I struggle to find balance, and to not to demand so much of myself.  I need to just be happy to be home. Some days are tough too...today it's nearly noon and I still haven't showered.
Well I could explore my use of time some more, but some one is crying and thinks I should spend time with him...which is my favorite past time.

My First Post

I have debated a blog for years. I love reading other peoples blogs, and usually think of clever posts I could write at awkward times like in the shower or as I'm drifting off to sleep, but as I sit here while my hubby plays softball and my munchkin hangs out next to me in the couch I finally decided to start a blog. I don't know if anyone will follow it, and that is fine I can't imagine what I have to say could be all that exciting.
Originally I was going to start a blog to chronicle our mountain climbing experiences, but with the addition of Alexander this spring, my mountain climbing has definitely been put on the back burner for a while, lets hope we can be back to it in a year or so.
So now this will just be the journey of us. Discovering parenthood, cooking discoveries, photo's from our adventures, house projects, and with 3 dogs and 3 cats I'm sure they'll make it into my blog as well.
So cheers and here is to this wonderful ride called life!